My story, while personal to me, is reminiscent of the frustrations and emotional rollercoaster we have collectively been on over the past year. However, like so many, I belong to the group of people that have lost a loved one to a disease that has sparked wildly differing opinions through political, medical and social circles.
In this article, I will give a voice to those who feel they have been lost in the shadow of political injustice, social scepticism, and medical distrust. This is not to make others feel sorry for us or to make you get the vaccine, but to share a story of so many, of those who feel they are the casualties of misconduct. To also address the insensitivity of the media and the politicians, who need to be held accountable for their scaremongering and often confusing U-turns.
I was in Thailand when the world closed its borders in March 2020. This was the beginning of my disillusion towards the UK’s handling of the pandemic. Although the UK media at the time would like to make you think otherwise, the UK government did nothing to help those who were stranded abroad in Asia. They failed to arrange chartered flights and many were told to seek help from other countries to find a way home.
Thailand's response to the pandemic, in the beginning, was swift and fair. Masks were made mandatory, curfews put in place, and, at least where I lived, you were not allowed to leave home until cleared with a medical certificate saying you did not have Covid-19. Although we were stuck there, life was pretty good and we made the most of our time by filling it with conservation projects.
When I finally flew back to the UK on the 3rd May 2020 I was shocked by what I came home to. No one was wearing masks, no one was checking temperatures at the airport or shops. There was no quarantine for those arriving. The only noticeable difference was the quietness of the roads and non-essential shops being closed. With no information or guidance from the Government, I returned to my parents. As my dad was highly vulnerable, I took it upon myself to self-isolate for two weeks to protect those around me.
In winter 2020 the real impact of the pandemic in the UK started to become real. My mum, who works in care, was starting to feel the strain as the virus hit her patients. With it, the reality of not if, but when it would be until it inevitably came into the house.
On the 23rd of January, I got a call - mum had been taken to hospital. She had been complaining of a headache all week and had acute chest pain. After a quick examination, she was discharged, with no questions and no test for Covid-19. However, due to her work, she is tested weekly and had done a PCR test a couple of days prior. The result came back, positive. Worried, my dad went for a test, negative. A few days later, after not feeling well, he went for a second test, and on the 26th of January, he was diagnosed with Covid-19.
Neither lost their taste or smell, no high fever, and only my dad developed a cough. The NHS and government guidelines are outdated and too limited. Chest pain, stomach problems, sore throat, skin rash and irritated eyes are all possible early symptoms that have been widely reported across the medical community.
My dad was rushed into the hospital on the 2nd of February after his oxygen levels had dropped to just 85%. My mum, a former nurse and ill herself had not noticed the decline in my dad's health. Mind fog and confusion of those infected is the silent killer of Covid-19, leading to the inability to recognise key warning signs that something much worse is going on.
Tuesday the 9th of February was my dad's birthday. It is also the last day I would ever speak to him again. Like so many others, in the early days, it looked like he was improving, even with talk of moving him out of the ICU. That did not last. By Thursday he was permanently on Helmet Non-invasive Ventilation, unable to stabilise his oxygen levels and with the diagnosis of a secondary infection. On Saturday it was decided he would go on an Invasive Ventilator. By Sunday morning his kidneys had started to shut down and they could not control his blood pressure. By the afternoon his heart gave out. He died alone in hospital on the 14th February 2021.
The pandemic has highlighted the pressure the NHS is under from years of defunding and the toll of a lack of incentives to join the profession. At the time of my dad’s admission, we were at the end of the peak of the second wave. He was one of over 300 people who died that day, and one of over 17,000 in hospital in England.
Little did I know that was to be the beginning of a long journey to seek justice for the failings of the government, a perpetual fight with Covid deniers and finding a way to deal with the trauma when surrounded with constant reminders of what happened.
Public scepticism of the handling of the pandemic and a sense of one rule for them and one another for everyone else has been building since Dominic Cumming’s infamous trip to Barnard Castle in April 2020. The slow response at the beginning of the pandemic and delayed lockdown, as well as the Government's insistence, to attempt herd immunity, only to backtrack a month later saying that was never on the cards. From the chops and changes to what lockdown means, the poor attempt at regional restrictions, and government officials refusing to isolate when told, it is no wonder so many have lost faith in the establishment.
However, that does not excuse those who completely reject Covid-19 as real, believe that the vaccines are a ‘conspiracy’ to hurt us, or that the whole pandemic has been made to control us and feel it is their right to personally attack those who are suffering. Yes, freedom is important, but is respecting someone else’s space that much of an ask? Nevertheless, with the possibility of the introduction of ‘vaccine passports’ in September, no one is denying we have to be careful that our human rights are not taken away unknowingly or unwillingly. We have to walk a careful line between protecting each other and trying to build a world that Covid-19 is now a part of.
The internet has been a hotbed of dis/misinformation and a space in which people can get lost in their rhetoric: dismissing science and medical professionals, believing those who have little to no background in the subject, and even those who use fabricated ‘facts’ to spin their narrative. I have found myself being trolled by many people telling me that my dad did not die of Covid-19, or that I am just believing in lies that the government have told me, as well as being surrounded by those who believe that they are above the guidelines of protecting others. More often than not this has been from people I had once called friends.
I could never imagine a family whose loved ones have died of cancer or heart disease having to go through what so many of us are. Yes, there have always been sceptics, and those who believe there is some greater conspiracy at work, but they have largely kept themselves in the shadows or been excused as paranoid. The extent of the attacks on those who are grieving is unparalleled. It is, unfortunately, understandable why it is so hard to relate to the numbers lost to this disease, due to the media portrayal of daily numbers and figures that are so impersonal. If you have not been affected by it then why should you care? But disregarding the reality of so many and feeling you have the right to attack those suffering without any reliable resources or references to back up your claims is simply, for want of a better word, insensitive.
Every day we see in the news celebrities such as Jeremy Clarkson saying things like ‘if you die, you die’, with total disregard to those who have lost someone. This insensitivity needs to stop. We need to get back to a level of normality, but that does not give anyone the right to dehumanise the suffering this pandemic has caused so many. The Government's unwillingness to begin an enquiry until February next year, the excessive coverage of the ‘pingdemic’ and high tensions from the collective exhaustion that have resulted from this government’s lack of proper guidance should not be how our loved ones are remembered. It is natural to be sceptical of the unknown and the practice of questioning what we are told should never stop. However, we need to be free to grieve for those we have lost and keep separate the political and social frustrations that have and will always exist, whether regarding the pandemic or the other global issues we face today.